The Meltdown. What would you have done?

I was coming out of the dressing room when I first heard it:  The Meltdown.  I passed their stall as the little girl was throwing a fit inside with her mother.  I smiled and thought to myself how I’ve been there.  Hang in there, mama!  

But the screaming became louder and continued for a good 10 minutes as the little girl and her mom walked out of the dressing rooms…and down the aisles….and finally to the check-out  line.  Mom was taking the “ignore the tantrum” approach and calmly walked through the store as her fit-throwing daughter followed behind.  You could tell the mother was irritated with her daughter and the scene she was causing.  But mom was standing firm, and trying not give in to her daughter’s antics.  However, the little girl would.not.have it.  The more mom ignored, the more daughter screamed.  It all came to a head when they were at the cash register. The mom could feel every eye in the store locked in on her.  Burning her with their judgment.    She apologized to the cashier.  “This is so embarrassing” she mumbled frantically, on the verge of a breakdown herself.  

I was standing right in front of her in line, watching this all go down.  The daughter, who was probably 4 or 5 years old was still throwing the motherload of tantrums.  She was screaming, crying, jumping up and down and now started swatting at her mom’s legs.  And my heart just broke for this mom.  You could tell she was trying to do everything in her power to do what she felt was right for her child (and not just for the moment).   But she was desperate and felt mortified.  You could tell.  I so badly wanted to rush over to her.  To throw my arms around her and tell her that she’s a great mom and that kids are kids and just because hers decided to throw a huge tantrum in the middle of a clothing store, does  not mean anything but that she has a child….and that her child is normal.  But I didn’t rush over to her.  I just stood there, silently trying to look at other things and pretend I didn’t notice.  I honestly didn’t know what to do.  Should I ask if I could help at all?  How would I help? I can’t help with the situation. I’ve been in stores where one of our kids throws a tantrum but nothing like this (…yet).  What should I do?  Do I tell her it’s okay and we’ve all been there?  What if she would be even more humiliated because someone said something to her?  So I said nothing as I felt her pain and embarrassment.  

 

Then the peanut gallery started.  

 The man behind me and the woman in front of me started talking, not-so-quietly, about how she should “whoop that child” and how their children “NEVER would have acted like that!!” They went on for about 90 seconds, back and forth about what they would have done and judging this mom for what she’s obviously not doing.  Mind you, we’re standing RIGHT in front of this lady with the screaming child.  I couldn’t believe two, middle aged adults could be so rude and condescending.  I couldn’t take it any longer.  “I don’t think we need to comment”  I snapped.  “She’s obviously having a hard enough time as it is.”    The two quickly stopped their hurtful banter and looked away.  I really wanted to yell at them about how maybe THEY should be whooped and how I hope they taught their children to have more courtesy and grace than they were exhibiting at that moment. I wanted to scold them and say how this parenting gig is HARD and instead of judging each other, maybe we should start supporting each other.  The mom already had a screaming kid in one ear, she didn’t need them chirping in her other one.  

But I didn’t.  I just politely suggested that no comments be made.  And my mind raced to figure out what to do to help this poor mother.  But I was clueless.  So I just stood there, silent, feeling horrible and helpless.   And I’m still left to wonder:  Is there anything I could have done???   Have you ever been in this situation – on either end?  Any suggestions as to what would have been appropriate or helpful?