Thirst and Disciples

A couple things the Lord has taught me recently:

1: Thirst.
I'm not much of a water-drinker. For those that know me, I'm sure this is a huge shocker, right? ;) (**disclaimer: my only good excuse for not drinking water is when I'm prego - it makes me very sick, for some odd reason. Weird, I know**) I'm probably normally on the verge of constant dehydration. I'll get a headache or feel sluggish and Darrin will be like "go drink some water." So I'll roll my eyes at him and grudgingly drink a glass and somehow magically feel better. I still think it's something else other than the fact he's totally right. :) The funny thing about dehydration is that you don't know your dehydrated until you start feeling the physical effects. I think I remember learning that it's some kind of survival mechanism your body turns on. It turns off the "I'm thirsty" feeling or something so you don't actually feel yourself dying from lack of water.
So here's another shocker -- sometimes it's hard to read my Bible. I know, right? See, shocker. There's some seasons that I'm totally connected in the Word. I read it not only daily, but several times a day. I feel like I'm constantly in it. And there's other times where I just get away from it. I skip a day, then it turns into a week, then weeks. And before I know it I don't even realize that I skipped it. But I'm also in this dry, dehydrated state of being. I'm spiritually sluggish, I complain, I covet, I get grumpy easily, I forget the many blessings God gives me on a consistent basis, I feel empty --like somethings missing. But I go day to day, trying to fill myself up with sugary substitutes and things that just satisfy me for a second. And then...then I actually listen to God's voice that I've been stifling; "Hello Jenn. We haven't spent much time together, come and sit awhile with me" And I sit down, and open the Word up again and I get that wonderful thirst-quenching drink. And then I drink some more, and more and I feel like I can't get enough. I just want to drown myself in His Word, in His presence. And it feels so renewing. I didn't even know how thirsty I was until I started drinking. That's how I've felt lately. I'm back from a "dry spell" and it feels so wonderful to be diving into the cool waters of the Living Word. I'm just letting it wash over me and renew me from within.

2: I'm just like the Disciples....and not in a good way
So the other week I was reading through Matthew. I was reading about miracle after miracle Jesus did and how the disciples were there to witness all of it. First off, pretty awesome, huh? Not only were they there with Jesus - flesh and bones but they also got to witness Him perform all these crazy amazing miracles. I've read Matthew like a 100 times but I still find it cool that they were actually THERE with Him. I was reading chapter 8, when Jesus calms the storm. Verse 27 says "
The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” I read that and asked God "Really God? I mean, really? They were STILL amazed? They STILL questioned who He was? They were with Jesus ALL THE TIME. They ate with him, they slept next to Him, they learned from Him, they physically witnessed Him perform all these miracles and they STILL were amazed? I mean, these were some big miracles Jesus did. Guy's dead...now he's alive. Dude's blind for his entire life ...and now He sees. Big stuff here. Wouldn't they be like "oh yea, of course the wind and waves obey Him. That's my God, and He rocks." I mean, I was doing some major disciple bashing here. More of anything, I was just really confused. I normally look at these 12 as THE chosen 12. You know? I mean, Jesus hand picked these guys. How could they spend so much time with Him and know how real He was and see all these amazing things that He did and still wonder who HE was? Still have any kind of doubt where they questioned who He was? I really didn't get it. I was honestly baffled by it. Then God gently whispered to me "But you're the same way" Ugh....knife to the heart. And He's so right (well...of course He's right, He's God). I know how real God is. I spend time with Him. I've seen him do amazing miracles in my life and the lives of others around me. But still, I doubt. I worry. I wonder if He'll pull through this time. I complain, totally disregarding the blessings He's given me. When things go awry, I get upset because I don't know His plan. It all comes down to me questioning who He is. Lack of faith. So that's what I'm trying to work on. To remember that even the little things - worrying or complaining -- is really showing a lack of faith. I need to start remembering that He's my GOD...and He rocks.